I’m scared…

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Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com

…of scary movies.  I always have been, and I probably always will be.  Recently we were talking at work about this type of movie.  I don’t mind suspense, but I really prefer comedy over any other kind.  Rest assured, I won’t be attending the showings of “It” and “Annabelle 2” – or whatever it’s called.  I started thinking of other things that I am afraid of.  Some are serious, and some are not.  These things make me uncomfortable if not down right afraid.

My absolute worst fear is something happening to one of my children.  I know people who have suffered this kind of a horrible loss, yet they still manage to somehow survive.  I am sure they can’t be living their lives anywhere close to where they had imagined they would be.  My children have been my greatest joy, and the best thing I have ever done (this doesn’t sound quite right, but…I digress).  I try not to gloat, but I am very lucky with my boys.  Yet, even if they disappointed me and did things I was not proud of – I would still love them beyond words.  I can understand a mother’s love, even for criminals.  They are still someone’s child.  I can only pray that those I love never go through this pain, because the thought of this terrifies me.

I am afraid of possums.  I think they are the ugliest animals (or rodents or whatever they are) on this planet.  I remember seeing one up close for the first time.  It was late on a Christmas Eve.  I had been with the kids and my ex, and came back home to my sister’s (where I was living at the time) to start getting ready for work the next day.  I was working the day shift on Christmas.  Everything was ready – food packed, coffee pot set up, clothes set out.  I decided to put out some fresh food and water for a cat we were feeding outside.  I walked over to the sliding glass door, about to open it when I saw him – the most vile creature.  He just stood there, staring me down.  His long, skinny, narrow face was horrifying.  And that long, disgusting tail!  I screamed in terror, and despite the fact that there were three other people living there in the house, no one heard me.  I eventually calmed down, but I have been terrorized by those “things” ever since.

School violence scares me.  I lived in Colorado (very close to Columbine High School) back on that awful day in 1999.  Ever since then, I feel a little ping in my heart when I hear of another shooting.  Whether there are only injuries or in the worst case fatalities, it is an awful feeling.  It makes me feel very nervous knowing that children are vulnerable to such horrible crime.  Even when the crime is just a threat, it is no less scary.  In that case, you just don’t know.  And no chances can be taken.  We do live in frightening times.

I get a little overwhelmed (and I guess you could say scared) when I look around at all the “things” I have.  I’m very lucky to not really be in need of anything.  Still, I have so much.  I am trying to go through and organize my things once and for all – the right way this time.  I don’t want to be gone one day and have my children really think I had issues, like being a borderline hoarder – when I don’t think I am.  I have tried for quite some time to defend myself, saying just because you have a lot of items does not mean you are a hoarder.  I don’t want to leave anything behind that would let my children be anything but proud of me.

I am afraid, I am scared and I am sad that I cannot do more for the cats of this world.  A year ago at this time, I had three cats.  Between late December and mid-May, four others came into my life.  Fast forward to now, and Jeff and I have seven.  I never imagined myself having this many, but I do – and now I couldn’t imagine it any other way.  In early Spring, I cared for an outside Mama and her four kittens.  None of them are around anymore.  In mid-to-late Summer, I began caring for another outside Mama and her four babies.  Out of the five, only two come around now – and not all that often.  I am determined to save these two, and find them homes.  I know they can’t come to live with us, but through the grapevine I know many good, loving cat owners.  I am afraid to lose these last two.  I am going to do all I can to help them.

I am afraid of this blog.  Yes, there – I said it.  I am scared it won’t turn into what I want it to be.  I am just so not technical.  I want it to grow.  I want it to look professional.  It’s going to take time, and it’s going to take hard work.  I will work to improve things.  I’m just a little afraid I will fail.  Not in all areas, just in some.  And that is where all of you who are reading this – it’s you and your kind words that can calm my fears!  I thank you in advance for that.

What makes some of you afraid?


Published by lifeissmashingalways

58 year old Mom with three great sons, and SIX great cats and their wonderful Dad, Jeff... LISA is my name. Life Is Smashing Always comes from the letters in my name...

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